Dinner with the Dursleys
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: Her boyfriend was nearly as crazy as her sister.


_**I don't own Harry Potter. Enjoy. **_

….

"I'm nervous." said Lily, watching her boyfriend of almost five months attempting to look casual in the nice Muggle suit she had bought him. James was used to either wearing dress robes or jeans or their school robes all the time. He looked uncomfortable in the tight suit, his hair slicked back with almost an entire bottle of gel. His bow tie hung limply, looking like a hooked fish, dangling uselessly, waiting to unravel. "Here, let me help," she laughed, getting up to fix his tie. "It's dying."

"Thanks. Why're you upset, again? It's just lunch with your sister and her boyfriend." asked James, a bewildered look on his face. He had heard about the tense relationship between the Evans sisters, but he wasn't aware of how bad it was.

"Her _whale _of a boyfriend, mind you." giggled Lily, leaning up to kiss her boyfriend on the cheek. "And I'm nervous because this is the first time _you've _had dinner with said sister and boyfriend. I'm not sure how they'll react to you."

"It's the hair, isn't it? They won't like my hair," said James in a mock-serious voice, sighing deeply and pretending to look particularly put out. "It's always the hair."

Lily giggled again before running her brush through her own bright red hair, which was done up in an elaborate braid, swooping around her shoulder. Her bright yellow summer dress hung just past her knees, a "scandalous length", her sister had sniffed, rifling through ankle-long dresses. She sat down on her bed, pulling on a pair of strapped silver sandals, James settling down next to her.

"It's not the hair, you prat." she laughed, lightly hitting him on the shoulder. "It's the fact that you can do magic. My _sister _knows about us, but she doesn't want to "ruin things by telling him about my little sister's problems. Therefore, her _oh so lovely _boyfriend, Vernon, has no idea about you or I. He thinks we went to a "special" school off in Scotland and that I was a troubled child and you were some sort of delinquent and Hogwarts was the only place to go."

"Lovely." said James, a small grin playing on his lips. "Lovely. Glad to hear your sister loves us and all our specialness."

"Yeah, well, that's just how she is. If you plan on staying with me, you'll have to get used to it."

"We could always run away to America."

"Right," Lily snorted, watching James pin a bright yellow flower in her hair. "And what in the name of Merlin would we do in _America_? What's with this flower?" she asked, flicking her fingers at it. He just smiled, grabbed her hand and led her to the door.

"Your sister awaits, milady," he said jokingly.

"She's probably downstairs wondering if wizards are even capable of reproducing. You know, she thinks you and I are having sex?"

"Lovely sister you've got there, Lily. Real lovely." said James, leading Lily downstairs to the sitting room, where Petunia sat, waiting. She, like Lily, wore a rather nice looking sundress, but made her blonde hair look even paler than usual. James had to admit, Petunia wasn't ugly, but she wasn't Lily. She had pale blonde hair and blue-green eyes, but had the same pale skin, freckles, and sort of stubbornness. Except Petunia used her stubbornness to refuse to ever forgive Lily for her "freaky magic".

"Where have you been, then?" Petunia sniffed disapprovingly, giving her younger sister a scathing look. Sometimes, Lily had to remember Petunia was only twenty and not their grandmother, who looked rather like Petunia, if the pictures were real. "It took an awfully long time for you to get dressed, Lily. And why was _he _up there with you?" she nodded abruptly at James, who gave her a quick grin before wrapping his hands around Lily's waist, as if to protect her, even from her own sister.

"Just wanted to look nice for our date with Victor." said Lily, intentionally messing up Petunia's boyfriend's name, knowing it annoyed her.

"_Vernon!_" Petunia snapped, sweeping off the couch and towards the front door. "Come on, then. Let's go, we don't want to be disrespectful by being late, now do we?"

"Of course not, Tuney." said Lily, and she and James followed Petunia out the door.

"And don't call me Tuney, either, Lily. It's childish and embarrassing."

"Wouldn't want to embarrass you in front of your boyfriend, now would we, _Tuney_?" laughed James, ignoring the shocked Lily and scandalized Petunia, hopping into the back seat if the car.

"Your boyfriend-or whatever the _hell _that thing is-needs to control himself, do you hear me? Make sure of it, he's going to make me look bad in front of Vernon and then he won't want to _ever _marry me! Besides, Vernon isn't my boyfriend anymore. He's my _fiance_. There's a difference."

"Yeah, it just means you kiss his even more." Lily grumbled, sliding into the car next to James.

"This thing is weird." said James, patting the seat, as if waiting for something to blow up. "Weird. Give me a broom anyday. Hell, I'd rather Apparate than ride in this thing."

"What about Sirius' motorcycle? You two ride that around on that silly contraption with silly grins on your face, like kids in a sweet store."

"That's different. It's a bloody _motorcycle_, for Merlin's sake, it's sort of like a broom. This," he waved his hand around at the inside of the car. "this is..._different_."

Up front, Lily could hear her sister grumbling away about wizards not understanding the basics of Muggle life and not having the decency to pretend, even for a few moments, like they weren't such _freaks_. Pressing a hand to her mouth to block out her laughter, Lily tried to think of what would happen at this date they were heading to.

She had only met Vernon Dursley twice and didn't have very high opinions of him. He was rather large and had piggy eyes. His mustache, a twitchy black thing, made him look somewhat moth-eaten and goaty, and as far as she could tell, he didn't seem to have a very decent temper. He also, it would appear, had the same attitude towards anything different at Petunia did. Lily sort of almost wanted to save her sister from what she percieved as an awful marriage, but on the other hand, found it somewhat amusing, watching his double chins wobble as he pushed in to kiss her sister's bony cheek.

Looking up, Lily met her sisters eyes in the mirror.

"What?" snapped Petunia, glaring. Lily blushed, looking down at her hands. "Hmmph." Petunia snorted, continuing to drive. "They don't teach you how to drive in this school of yours? How do you get around? Brooms, I suppose?"

"Yes." said James very seriously. "We can also sort of pop, like teleporting sort of, anywhere we want. Or stepping into fire places, but only if you use Floo powder, mind you. If you tried it without the powder, you'd just burn yourself. I should know-I tried it once when I was seven. Had to go to St. Mungo's."

"You _go into fire places?_" asked Petunia, looking horrified. "Who would be stupid enough to do that?"

"I told you, it's not stupid, it's-"

"James," said Lily, laying a hand on her boyfriend's arm, giving him a look. "Just don't bother with it. It's not worth it."

They spent the rest of the car ride in silence, Lily trying not to laugh, James watching everything zipping by, complaining that it wasn't the same as a broom or a motorcycle, and Petunia looking rather tense, her hands gripping the steering wheel. Eventually, just when Lily thought she was about to burst into peals of laughter, Petunia pulled up to the rather fancy Italian restraunt that they were supposed to be meeting Vernon at.

"Do you see him?" asked Petunia nervously, brushing quickly at her hair, running her fingers through it. "Do you see him? Oh gosh-how do I look, how do I look?"

"Nice-"

"Not you, Lily!" Petunia screeched, her eyes going wide. "You're a girl, and my sister besides! I was asking your boyfriend!"

James blinked, looking rather shocked. "Oh, oh.." he stuttered, blushing profusely. "Decent-I mean very nice, very nice, yes!" he gasped, rubbing the spot where Lily had elbowed him, throwing her a hurt glance.

"Good," Petunia said, clambering out. Still looking puzzled, James and Lily followed.

"Sorry," said Lily, kissing James on the cheek. "She's still rather sensitive about the entire thing. Odd, really, seeing as they've been dating for almost two years and he proposed almost a month ago. Really, my sister is a strange one."

"She makes your screaming look rather quiet." James laughed, linking arms with Lily before she could smack him, and lead her inside the restraunt, where Petunia and a large man stood, waiting. James took another look at the man. Lily had told him that Vernon Dursley was large, but he hadn't realised the man could take up at much room as two, possibly _three_, James'.

"This is my sister's boyfriend, James." Petunia said, waving a hand absent-mindedly at James, and Vernon gave James a disapproving glance, looking him up and down. A waiter led them to a table, where they all sat down, looking rather tense and awkward.

"Where do you work, then?" aksed Vernon rather suddenly, looking down at James. He was a full four inches taller than James, who was by no means short. James was unnerved by the girth and the abruptness of the man. "Assuming you work, of course. They teach you how to deal with the real world in your school?"

"Uh, uh, I don't work." James stuttered, rahter unnerved. He wasn't used to being verbally barraged, especially not by large, grumpy fiance's of his his girlfriend's sister.

"Hmph. I work at Grunnings." said Vernon, sounding rather proud of himself.

"Oh?" asked James, not at all interested, but with Lily's hand resting on his leg, he had to act at least slightly fascinated-at least until lunch was over and they could go back to James' house. "What do they do, then?"

"We make drills, of course."

"Drills? What in the name of Merlin are those?" Lily's eyes widened as she stuffed a roll into her mouth to avoid laughing, while Petunia shot her sister a horrified look, going scarlet. Vernon sniffed, muttering about idiots who didn't know anything about drills.  
"They help with buildings and such," Lily finally managed to gasp around the bread stuffed in her mouth. "They're rather small bits of metal."

"Oh." James blushed slightly, looking embarressed. "Oh." he repeated, taking a rather large gulp of the water that a waiter brought by, setting their drinks down and wandering off before anyone could ask for food. "Are waiters usually this rude?" he asked, leaning over to whisper in Lily's ear.

"Sometimes. He's probably just busy."

"Wish he'd hurry up. Can't wait to get out of here," James grumbled to himself. Five minutes later, the waiter came back, taking their order, before rushing off without giving Lily a chance to ask about more bread. It was going to be a long night-she was going to need a _lot _of bread.

"What is it they teach you at this school of yours, if not how to get a proper job?" asked Vernon, still wearing a superior sort of smirk, as if he and James were in sort of contest and he thought he was winning.

"Magic." James deadpanned, grinning slightly. The effect was immediate. Petunia gasped, looking like a fish, Lily finally succumbed to laughter, and Vernon gave James another disapproving glance.

"Insane, this one, isn't he?"

"James isn't insane!" Lily said huffily. "No more than you, I should think! At least he isn't all chuffed about working with silly drills."

"_I'm _the one with a job, sweetheart."

"_Don't _call me sweetheart!" Lily snapped, her fingers curling around the wand in her pocket.

"At least Petunia's getting someone sane, someone steady. Not sure how you'll be able to survive on this," said Vernon, waving a chubby hand at James' scruffy hair and lopsided glasses. "Prone to delusions, a delinquent, clearly touched in the head."

"He is _not_!" Lily snapped, leaping to her feet.

"Come now, Lily, sit down. You're acting like a child," said Petunia disapprovingly, giving her sister a condescending look, sniffing haughtily.

"I am not!"

"Honestly!" Petunia rolled her eyes. "You two are being ridiculous. Listen, Lily, your boyfriend is just a strange, disturbed man. Admit it and we can continue our lunch in peace."

"I hate you. I hate you, Tuney." Lily said calmly, spinning around and stomping out the door. She walked into the parking lot and Apparated back to the house, brushing at tears.

Inside the restraunt, James, Petunia, and Vernon all sat in various states of shock. James recovered first, clattering noisily to his feet.

"Well, guess I'm off, then. Have a cuppa for me, if you don't mind. Nice meeting you," he said sarcastically to Vernon before heading to the parking lot and Apparating after Lily. He wandered into the Evans' house, calling for Lily before remembering the tree house she had talked about. Sighing, he headed out into the back yard.

Really, Lily had such a lovely family.

_**/**_

_**This story continues in There Was a Time, When We Grew Up chapter 2. **_

_**I agree with James. Why are the waiters always wandering around and hovering when you don't need them, but disappear the second you have a question? They're like the employees at Wal-mart! **_


End file.
